Domestic Violence Going Around and Around

chicago domestic violence attorney“He was utterly charming – and all about control. Everyone else could see what he was doing but I couldn’t.” Kacey Jai Smith recently shared her story of abuse with The Guardian, explaining how she stayed with her abuser for five years. She said that what started out as criticism soon led to abuse and threats on her family, which is how many abuse stories go. Kacey Smith’s story ended happily when she got out and got a criminal attorney who helped convict her ex-boyfriend.

Domestic violence often goes around in a cycle similar to Kacey’s, starting with one type of abuse and going full circle to many other types of abuse. The steps within the domestic violence cycle, according to DomesticViolence.org are as follows:

An incident occurs where the abuser feels in control. Perhaps he or she gets angry and hits someone, an incident that has never happened before. This incident can be any type of abuse: physical, sexual, or emotional.

Tension builds between the abuser and the abused. The abuser may get angry more easily or more frequently and the abuse may begin to become a normal routine. When the tension and abuse increase:

  • Communication ceases or strongly decreases in the relationship, the abuser may see the abuse as a ways of communication.
  • The victim’s instinct is to calm the abuser, but feels that he or she must be very careful so as not to set off the abuse bomb that has become his or her partner.

The abuser and the victim make up.

  • Usually, the abuser apologizes and promises never to hurt the partner again. The abuser may feel sincere guilt about what he or she has done.
  • It is also possible that the abuser will blame his or her victim for the abuse, claiming that the victim made the abuser angry or deserved to be punished for a wrongdoing.
  • Another possibility is that the abuser completely denies any abuse or claims that it wasn’t that bad, saying that the victim has over exaggerated.

There is a period of calmness. The abuser acts as if no abuse has taken place and may even hold true to some of the promises made during the time of make-up. There may be no physical abuse taking place and the abuser may even try to compensate and give gifts to the victim. In this stage, the victim may believe that the abuse has permanently ended.

If you have been abused or you have been wrongly accused of being an abuser, call a criminal attorney. Conveniently located in downtown Chicago, the Law Offices of Hal M. Garfinkel, Chicago Criminal Defense Attorney can supply you with a lawyer to assist you with your domestic violence case today.

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